A Desperate Note

It's already November
I already through a lot of rough months lately
Well, can i say that i'm a kind of a lonely girl now
I can say that i just like living in my own hell

Everyone in here has their own friends, communities or groups. But not me.
I already know the feeling of being alone
I can say that i have a lot of friends, a lot into communities or groups. A lot.
But all of them are a big bullshit.
I just being betrayed by people.

I changed my self into an introvert.
I didn't change it actually, but people did

I just think that no one that could understand me.
None of them could accept me.

I don't know exactly what's wrong on me
I don't know why that they can't accept me

Why God? I really want You to explain me why.
Why can't I get a live like the others have.

I really want You to send me someone who could understand me.
Could listen to me.
And always on my side in every condition that i face.

This month is my birth month.
It's already close to 18.
And I just thinking. Thinking that is there someone who remembered my birthday.
Or I already gone in this fucking live.
I expect that this year would be the worst.
Would be the worst birthday i am going to have.

The things that i really curious about my self...
"why can't i get in to the society?"
Is it because of my face?
My habit?
My words?
My attitude?

I hate my life.
This things made me frustrated.
I'm sorry God, that i hate my life.
But I can't stand it any longer.

Help me God, I beg You.......